Lesson No. 4 – There are many endearing and light moments in the midst of darkness

“Sometimes I pity myself while I am being carried away by vast winds” – Ojibway saying

Invitation 

Sometimes you hear a voice 

Through the door calling you,

As fish out of water hears the waves

Or a hunting falcon hears the drum’s come back.

This turning towards what you deeply love

Saves you.

Rumi

“I have seen too much suffering.

I have to teach joy”

Thich Nat Hahn

“I wish to be a pleasant piece of life” -  Sadhguru

Without darkness, how can we see and know the light?  Every birth happens in the darkness of the womb and what a miraculous joy it becomes as a new life emerges.

If you would like, find a personal journal and write (the ancient way, pen and paper), trying to answer the following questions;

What do we choose to see and more importantly, what do we choose not to see?

How do we colour darkness and light with our likes and dislikes, approval and disapproval?

How much of our inner darkness gets reflected in what we see or perceive?

What do we do when our perceptions differ from others?

Are our responses unchanging? Are they beneficial and to whom? If not, what else is possible?

If we only see darkness or totally ignore it, what are the gains? The losses?

I will share a few examples of attempts to address the above.

I was working with a woman in her 50’s who felt very deprived of love, suffering greatly because she had always felt unloved by her mom. Her responses to this experience were feeling unsafe, not trusting and having to prove very hard that she was worthy of her existence; the need for approval drove her so hard she lost a great deal of her health, physical, emotional and mental.  After a few sessions, I asked my client to bring some photos of her mom and her together at different periods of their life. She was puzzled and yet, she did. One of the photos showed her at age 3 months with her mom holding her in her arms. I asked her to tell me what she saw in the photo – “just my mom holding me as a baby”. I asked her to look further especially at her mother’s expression. Initially, she could not see anything past that but as she kept looking, she burst into tears saying “my mother did love me, didn’t she?”

Here is another story. I was hiking on the outskirts of Sydney, Australia by myself when I got lost in the bush (not for the first time).  I tried to retract my steps, find familiar markers and do what I knew but my attempts of “solving” did not pan out.  I started feeling fearful and close to panic as the sun was setting close.  I paused and sat under a tree, breathing and then praying for guidance (“I am not in control, I need help”).  I decided to trust rather than solve and took a (literally) different path than before.  Then the miracle happened – a woman came out of the bush.  She had no idea how happy I was to see her.  In no time, I was back on my way home.  I remembered to express gratitude for the unexpected help. 

One more, again from my work.

Many years ago, I was working with a woman who had been subjected to many traumatic events, from childhood abuse to a series of abusive men as an adult.  We worked together with creating an internal safe space, a sanctuary (see blog no. 14 as well) for her. Initially, she said  “I have never had a safe space” and could not see one for herself.  I stayed with this request like a dog with a bone.  She started getting irritated at me for my persistence and very reluctantly agreed to keep searching for a “shiny” moment in her life where she felt safe.  It did come eventually and her laughter at the memory was contagious and welcome. This was her memory - “I was walking above a meadow with my 2 little dogs. I was preoccupied and sad.  With the corner of my eye, I saw one of my dogs losing its grip on the shelf above the meadow and rolling towards it.  I saw its tiny legs in the air as it was rolling like a fur ball down and fast.  I started laughing so hard I had to sit on the ground and hold my ribs.  This is my only safe space/moment. Are you happy now?”

What do these examples have to do with the current situation and our life?  They all point towards adversity and moments or a lifetime of darkness.  They teach us that we can be engulfed by the darkness so it sucks the light out of us.  And yet, yes, like a dog with a bone, the light is there, no matter how dark it gets, not because we make believe, it is truly there as it is a universal law of nature. 

One way to practice seeing it is to expand our senses.  When you go for a walk next time, practice noticing how many shades of green you see or how many different sounds you hear inside you or around you.  Another way is to go into our own suffering of the past and extract “shiny and endearing moments” even as the pain was going on and may still be.  You can look at your own photographs of the past and see them differently this time as my “first” client did.  You can decide on what you focus when you listen to the news or look at people on the street – do you only see or hear the darkness?  Do you feed it and how?  Is there anything else there?  When I see it, how do I experience it?  As an exception to the “rule” of darkness?  As a fresh breath of air?

I would love to hear your examples and thoughts, feelings and experiences. If you are comfortable and wish to, I can share some of them through this forum.  I do disguise the identity of people I mention in my blogs or create composites of stories untraceable to the source to protect your privacy and the trust you bestowed in me.

With warm blessings for your health and well-being,

Lydia